I’m struggling to get back on the healthy train after the last few days. My natural tendency to just eat very little after a very large gain (no matter that is only a food gain) is very tempting and so far I’ve given in. I don’t believe eating a ‘normal’ amount and working out for me works, unless I’m eating 1500 cals and having a net cals of 1000 or less. Bah, idk what to do…I am just close to giving up trying to lose altogether.
Healthy food doesn’t satisfy me.
It just doesn’t. Sure I’m ‘full’ but I don’t get the feeling in my brain, does that make sense? I feel cleaner when I eat healthy but that is it.
I dont’ stop thinking about food.
All day it’s on my mind. Eating too much, eating the right thing, when I’m going to eat next, not eating enough, exercising. It is exhausting having an eating disorder. My therapist doesn’t help. She just says to distract myself when I want to binge.
How the fuck does that help?
That’s like telling me to sweep all of my problems under the rug. How about helping me get to the root of my issues and dealing with those? How about helping me figure out how to override my anxiety at night about not being able to sleep, or it taking forever to fall asleep, or my anxiety for everything else I am worried about? I don’t know how to calm myself with anything other than food.
I binge, I purge, I starve.
Maybe I should just accept that it’s never going to change.
